To my heterosexual friends: Please overlook the somewhat arch tone of these questions. I would like it very much if you would try to give honest, thoughtful answers to these questions.
Thank you very much!
The Heterosexual Questionnaire
- What do you think caused your heterosexuality?
- When and how did you decide you were a heterosexual?
- Is it possible that your heterosexuality is just a phase you may grow out of?
- Is it possible that your heterosexuality stems from a neurotic fear of others of the same sex?
- If you have never slept with a person of the same sex, is it possible that all you need is a good Gay lover?
- Do your parents know that you are straight? Do your friends and/or roommate(s) know? How did they react?
- Why do you insist on flaunting your heterosexuality? Can’t you just be who you are and keep it quiet?
- Why do heterosexuals place so much emphasis on sex?
- Why do heterosexuals feel compelled to seduce others into their lifestyle?
- A disproportionate number of child molestors are heterosexual. Do you consider it safe to expose children to heterosexual teachers?
- Just what do men and women do in bed together? How can they truly know how to please each other, being so anatomically different?
- With all the societal support marriage receives, the divorce rate is spiraling. Why are there so few stable relationships among heterosexuals?
- Studies show that lesbians have the lowest incidence of sexually transmitted diseases. Is it really safe for a woman to maintain a heterosexual lifestyle and run the risk of disease and pregnancy?
- How can you become a whole person if you limit yourself to compulsive, exclusive heterosexuality?
- Considering the menace of overpopulation, how could the human race survive if everyone were heterosexual?
- Could you trust a heterosexual therapist to be objective? Don’t you feel s/he might be inclined to influence you in the direction of her/his own leanings?
- There seem to be very few happy heterosexuals. Techniques have been developed that might enable you to change if you really want to. Have you considered trying aversion therapy?
- Would you want your child to be heterosexual, knowing the problems that s/he might face?